Ups and Downs

Today I have been studying for my CPT exam and doing some practice tests and honestly I feel totally inadequate right now.  I have really been struggling with some of the specifics like muscles and learning the guidelines put out by NASM for their training model.  I am really not sure how I will do when it comes to the test, right now I just hope to pass.  Right now, depression is creeping in and I haven’t even failed anything…

That being said I wonder have you ever taken on a task that you found to be more challenging than you anticipated?  It’s funny how I now have the confidence to take on new physical challenges, but am struggling with a challenge that involves my intellect.  In the past it has been exactly the opposite for me, I was confident in my intellect, but not the physical.  I guess the times have changed…

To that note, while I try and focus in the next couple of weeks in order to review everything I will be posting about once a week like I have been for a bit.  I fully intend after taking the test and passing (?), to get back to posting more frequently with some nice fresh content and to share my exploits as I try to juggle life and marathon training.

This week I have gotten more strength training in, had one day that I did my food tracking, increased my water, ran 3 times, and did food prep for the next few days.  A partial success in my mind as I wanted to record food every day, I only got 4 miles in today rather than 7-8, and would like to have done some kind of exercise yesterday.  I could point out the down time my body obviously needed with running and the fact that I am starting to feel the beginnings of yet another cold, but the thing is it feels like an excuse.  Excuses, while often founded in some truth, are still an offering to the world for why we didn’t do our best or didn’t try.  I hate them and I don’t want to use or rely on them to make myself feel better.  That being said it is what it is and I can’t very well go back and change the week can I?  I can sit here and dwell on my mistakes and allow depression to continue and creep in or…

Instead I am going to try and shake off the depression, frustration, fear, and disappointment I am struggling with and move forward. I hate feeling all those negative emotions and how they can easily cascade on you.  I have some planning to do to make an actual program for myself for the strength training and to figure out how I will incorporate my long runs (we are talking 2-3 hours) into life and still maintain my responsibilities.  I have a few more weeks to study and try to gain some confidence in my knowledge and some down time at work to use towards that effort.  I’m actually looking forward to the next few months to try and do some revamping and to make some positive changes so I am going to try and focus on that hope. 

 

In the meantime I will continue with what I know works to help me stay on track and make more efforts to increase the other healthy habits again.  I have accomplished a lot in my life and shown my abilities, it’s simply time to regroup and remember those things.  After all one week ago I pushed my physical limits and finished the half a secret dream I put out there.  Maybe I will surprise myself and actually get another blog entry done this week. Instead of dwelling in depression, I am going to work hard to focus on the positives and the possibilities.

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