My journey

I am starting to get some new people who are following my blog and I wanted to share with you all part of my journey.  Back in February I posted Feeling Fat Even When You Aren’t and it was a very heartfelt post for me.  I really struggle with my body image and my weight for many years, ever since I can remember really.  The name of my blog is true, I am trying to see who I am for me not for the way I look or how much fat I have on my body.  I spent most of my almost 37 years of life overweight, morbidly obese to be technical.  It has only been in the last few years that I have lived in a body that was able to wear single digit clothing.


A few years ago I started taking steps to make changes in my life, those changes have ultimately brought me to where I am right now.  At my heaviest I was 250 and now still hovering around 150.  Today I got honest with myself and admitted one of the biggest motivators for running and exercise in general is her.  I am afraid to become fat again, period end of discussion.  I never want to go back there to the dark self loathing place I was.  With depression I struggle enough, I don’t need any help with having a reason to beat myself up.  So I run from her several days a week.

I continue to be an emotional eater, but now I am an emotional exerciser as well.  Today was a stressful day, a peek at the way the rest of the month might go with work of doing classes and meetings non stop (still love the job, seriously a blessing to help others get healthier). I also had to address a situation that was supposedly fixed months ago.  In general I just felt a lot of stress from things completely out of my control, I hate that reality.

So right now I am avoiding the french fries in the kitchen like a plague and I ran 5 miles (new PR of 55 minutes btw).  Tomorrow is my rest day, but I think I might pop over to the park and do a few things as I have slacked with the resistance yet again this week.  I’m getting my emotions back in check and reminding myself to let go of that desire to control.  She controlled a lot, at least she thought she did, in reality the food and sloth controlled her.  I am happier and healthier today, not perfect, but working on embracing that I don’t have to be and just making better choices one choice at a time.  That’s me in a nutshell, I’m glad to have you to share my journey.  This page has meant a lot to me and getting feedback that I help sometimes makes my day.  It’s fun to be able to share when I meet my goals ( I started training for my half marathon only able to do a 3.1 miles or a 5k and now I can do 10 miles it blows my mind!) and have a tiny cheering section out there.  Please feel free to comment and share how you may be making changes in your life.  What has your journey been like?  What are ways we can help each other along the way?



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Desiree' - Finding the Skinny Geek Within
    Aug 09, 2013 @ 15:19:29

    I can relate to this post so much! I'm down 50 pounds so far, but yet, instead of relishing in my successes, I still see all my imperfections in the mirror. Yes, I'm thrilled that I'm losing the weight but I'm really surprised that how the emotional part seems to be sticking around.I can see that my mindset may be similar to yours too even when (or if…) I get to my goal, I'm going to be obsessed with not gaining weight again. I guess this all is really just a work in progress and we take every day one step at a time.


  2. Jennifer Speer
    Aug 10, 2013 @ 04:19:34

    Absolutely it's a one day, sometimes one meal at a time thing. Congrats on your success so far, that is wonderful! The emotions are a lot to sort through, I have some good people and a good back ground to help me. Keep fighting the good fight to take care of you!


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