Inspiration comes in so many forms

Today has been a good day, I am getting closer to running my goal of 13.1 miles, I am closer to my vacation and seeing my family and friends.  All in all I have very little to complain about.  I was sitting here thinking I have nothing to post, I mean all I have is continuing to share my running journey and I am not sure how interested people really are about that.  I must say part of my good feeling is I NEVER thought I could be a person that could run 4-5 miles and not die.  I always worried my knees would give out *knock on wood* or I just physically couldn’t do it.  But I am and I will conquer 13.1 miles.

So while I was sitting here thinking I ran across a shared post by a blogger I follow and I read it and I cried and my mind was blown.  I know there are men out there (and boys) that have eating disorders, but really I have met very few.  But this, this is a truth we all need to hear male or female.  We All Have Body Dysmorphic Disorder the writer Chris is a male model and athlete and looking at the pictures of him, by all means hot.  But he goes on to share the view he has of himself and the self talk he goes through to correct it.  He lays it out that everyone has that inner critic, some have just figured out how to argue back.  Thank you Chris for your post and I highly recommend you check it out and follow the link to the Dove experiment.

It struck a cord with me for a few reasons: 1) my inner critic has a real loud mouth and we argue a lot 2) I had a hard time seeing myself as skinny especially when I hit my lowest weight on the scale.  I remember that uncomfortable feeling I had looking in the mirror, I didn’t see what the people around me seemed to.  I still saw the old physical me and I still felt like the old physical me.  I didn’t really feel any different, even though the pictures and people around me said it was so.  I remember talking on the phone with my best friend, we both were fat as kids, pretty much all of our childhood.  She had the dramatic weight loss way before I did, so she was able to help me talk through how I was feeling.  She is and was a true blessing in that and many ways.  She said she struggled with the same feelings and thoughts.  I felt so much less alone when I heard that. 

This blog is part of how I continually explore that change in my life and sort through it.  There’s other things that I have done too:

  • I made myself watch the reflection as I walked in and out of buildings.  I wanted to see my body in motion to help connect my mind and body more and feel more certain of what I saw.
  • I made myself actually look at my body with and without clothes in the mirror.  How can I become comfortable if I won’t even look.
  • I remind myself that the difference is huge and yes I still have a belly, but it’s one I got by not loving myself, if I lose it I lose it, if not it’s a reminder to take care of me.
  • I remember the aha moment I had when I realized most women don’t like their bodies, but I have yet to see anyone who is really “perfect”.

I still have those moments, a ton at the moment because of a upcoming vacation.high school reunion, but today I found myself thinking how awesomely strong I am starting to feel.  That is what I want, I want to be healthy and strong, both physically and mentally.  I think now that maybe I really am beautiful.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Walker
    Jun 07, 2013 @ 06:07:30

    Great blog 🙂 There's so much meaning here – and thanks for the mention of my post and I'm honestly so happy to hear that it is making a positive impact. – Chris Walker

    Reply

  2. Formerlyfatgirl
    Jun 08, 2013 @ 03:18:33

    Thank you for the compliment, helped make my day. It's been and will continue to be a journey for me. 🙂

    Reply

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